Midnight Headcanons
by Pine67
Summary: Sometimes Stiles likes to act like a drama queen - for reasons.
1. Chapter 1

Obviously Stiles is not a needy boyfriend. He's not possessive, he's not demanding, and he's not needy. But there are just some little decisions in life that Derek just can't make on his own. It's just courtesy that he ask for Stiles' opinion. Because they are partners now. They live together, they eat together, they sleep together. So when Derek goes and does this behind Stiles' back... Stiles just...

"What the fuck happened to your FACE?!" he says soon as he comes home from work and finds Derek cooking in nothing but a towel. At first he's distracted by the still damp chest hair and the towel being held up by an erection but when he reaches Derek's face he can't even hold himself together. What would drive Derek to act out such a horrendous sin?

"What?" Derek's smile slowly disappears as he looks at Stiles in concern.

"Derek, you literally just gave me a heart attack, and I don't know how to react."

Derek leaves his place by the stove and walks up, arms going awkwardly limp as if they're so used to wrapping themselves around Stiles that they don't know what to do in that moment. "Can I get a kiss first and then we can fight about whatever it is you wanna fight about?"

"Heck no! Not with a face like that. Honestly, Derek, why would you do this to me? I thought you loved me." Stiles huffs a fake cry and stomps his way out of the kitchen and into their bedroom, diving head first into their bed like a kid.

"Okay then, I guess I'll just put some clothes on."

"No wait," Stiles reaches out but Derek dodges him as he walks by, heading to their closet. Stiles watches intently as Derek let's the towel fall to the floor and flexes his ass cheeks a couple of times while looking for something to wear. Stiles can't have that, so he rolls onto his back and strips out of his shirt and pants. He's naked - he was going commando because they're on somewhat of a year round honeymoon so they're having sex like all the time and he just can't be bothered with the hassle that is underwear - and sprawled out across their bed when he calls out, "Deeeereeeeeek!"

"Hmmm?"

"C'mere and sex me up, you clean shaven beast, you!"

Derek laughs as he jumps onto bed and hovers over Stiles, waiting for him to make the next move.

Stiles dares to look at the offence that is his face. "Gah! It looks like a naked bear!"

Derek pretends to look offended, "It looks nice!"

"Oh god, what... I can't even..." Stiles hesitantly brings his hand up to Derek's face, testing the waters. Derek leans in to it before Stiles can back out and- Derek shaved his face, and this is real life, and okay, what the fuck? He sighs and grabs at his hand with his other free one, theatrically crying, "It burns!"

"Shut up. It's not like I haven't shaved before."

"No! you always just trim your beard and make it look nice and sexy. You never get rid of it!"

"Relax, it'll grow back."

"Okay, I guess we're breaking up until it does then." Stiles knows he's being a drama queen, but he also knows the more he puts up a fight, the harder Derek will fuck him later. He tries to squirm away but before he can make it two inches away, Derek pushes against his chest and pins him to the bed. Now that Stiles is looking, he notices that the absence of the beard makes way for more intense expressions on Derek's face. Was he always this animated?

"No, we're not." Derek's voice is doing that growl-y thing again and Stiles can so dig this.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh look at me! I'm Derek and I'm such a busy busy man with a busy busy mind that I just always forget to buy my kid some new story books from the dollar store _right around the corner._"

Stiles is huffing and puffing as he paces back and forth in the giant bedroom he shares with Derek. _Giant_ because they live in a _house_. Because they're _married. _And have a _family. That they're supposed to care and provide for. __  
_

He turns around and glares at Derek when he finally enters the room and closes the door behind him. Good, now Stiles can beat the shit out of him without his innocent child being witness. "I said I was sorry!" _  
_

"Yea well, that doesn't cut it when it's, like, the fourth time I've reminded you."

"I know. But I still am."

"Do you know how much he likes bed time stories?"

"I do!"

"Enlighten me, then, with today's excuse."

"I had a lot of online meetings and interviews. The day just passed by way too quickly."

Stiles rolls his eyes. He wishes he could take control of the situation and buy Leo as many story books as possible - Stiles doesn't blame him for getting sick of the 30 they already circulate through. But every day, he comes home from work late and by then all the stores are closed for the night. Derek, however, works from home and takes care of their son when he's back from pre-school so you'd _think_ that their routine is simple but no! Derek has _online meetings. _

"Whatever. But tonight you have to tell him a bedtime story of your own. I don't care if you have to do a circus act to be entertaining enough, but it's your duty." He stomps away without waiting for a response from Derek.

Later that night, Stiles is suspicious about which 'story' Derek is telling so he shamelessly stands outside of Leo's room and listens in.

"-all _over _the flowers!" Leo let's out a worried gasp and Stiles smiles because he can almost hear the animated frown on Derek's face. But wait, what? He's telling _that_ story. "And you know what? I don't even think there was a raccoon there after all!"

"Yes there was!" Stiles marches right in.

Leo squeals, "Dad! Were you spying on us!"

"Yes, and looks like it was for good reason." Derek and Leo are cuddled up in the small bed under the covers, so Stiles joins them on Leo's other side. "Derek, I was trying to get the Raccoon away from your garbage!"

"I was there. I saw zero raccoons."

This was way back when Derek had moved back to Beacon Hills to re-build the Hale house and Stiles' obsession with him went from zero to infinity in less than two milliseconds. So, yes. He was stalking him and that's why he was there in the first place. "What do you think I was doing, then? Rummaging through your garbage for the fun of it?"

Derek laughs, "Isaac planted the idea in my head that you were looking for my... magazines in the recycling bin."

Leo pulls a look of disgust and falls back, laughing. Stiles tilts his head in confusion so Derek tickles Leo to distract him as he mouths "porn".

Stiles eyes bug out. This is a new one. "He what? Ew! I wouldn't- why would I- Derek!"

Derek laughs along with his son and Stiles' heart melts because their bobbing heads synchronize and their laughter harmonizes - since when is that even a thing.

"Whatever," Derek calms down and pets Stiles' cheek. "We all know you spent a whole year stalking me one way or another."

Stiles rolls his eyes. Twice. "Okay sure, Mr. I Act Grumpy All The Time Even Though Gardening Is A Great Relaxing Hobby Which I Partake In When I Want To Let Out My Frustration."

"It was my mother's garden, and my therapist told me it would be good for me."

"Is that why you continued to do it for three years?"

"Shut up. You spilled garbage all over my freshly planted tulips and that's the end of that."

"_Get off my lawn!_" Stiles mimics in fond memory.

"I did not say that."

"Well, if we're going to alter the story then we may as well add some interesting references for Leo to learn about."

Speaking of, Derek and Stiles both look down only to find that the space between them is empty. Two seconds later the little four year old barges back into the room with one house plant in each arm, "I want to make my own garden!"


End file.
